Odd French Things and Stereotypes

There are so many odd French things that I could not possibly hope to number them all here. I'll give you a few examples though.

The obvious...snails and frogs legs. Eugh! The frogs' legs in the saucepan actually look like real little bums and legs.

The complete inability to laugh at anything that does not resemble slapstick!

The surprising lack of good looking men, eligible or not! The French have this reputation of being gorgeously handsome and debonaire, but I have yet to meet one who is. No, to be fair, I have met one, but that was in a bus queue in Tokyo! What I have noted is that ALL French men THINK they are marvellously handsome and debonaire, but unfortunately have neither the looks nor the class to back up their delusions!

The little handbag dogs...what is that all about?
Their so-called pop music! With the exception of one good song (very poppy) by a singer called Alizée (Moi Lolita) there is not a french pop song anywhere which would stand up to being un the UK (or even the US) charts.

Related to the above...the obsession with Johnny Hallyday. Why? He is an old man, plastic surgeried to within an inch of his life, think he is wonderful, and makes shit music! Even the saintly Sir Cliff beats him! Eat Cliff's dust Johnny! (Mange la poussière de Cliff, Johnny! - hmmm, on second thoughts, to an english speaker that sounds rather rude! - I'll leave it in anyway!) The drinks some people order in bars! What is with their love for mint juice? Tried it once - tasted like mouthwash! Why people would want to drink this for fun is beyond me!
They criticise non-French people for having the nerve to speak French with an English (or american, australian etc) accent, but when have you ever heard a French person speak english without a French accent? Do we criticise them? No, for some reason we think it's sexy? Go figure!! Also, if you try to speak french they are more concerned with your accent than how correct your french is!
You can get a good three course meal for less than a tenner, and wine is free. However, if you want a soft drink it is extra.

Diet Coke is more expensive per litre than really good red wine!

©Catherine Beldon

France is not a third world country - yet the toilets are like Asian toilets. They are like shower trays in the floor with two raised foot rests and sometimes you get a handle on the wall. You pull your trousers down (or skirt up), crouch, do what you have to whilst praying it's only a pee trying not to splash your feet - this is worse in the summer if you are wearing sandals or flip flops! Then, and this is the important part, you simultaneaously flush and run. The running is ecause the flush tends to go all over the floor just to make sure it's clean! These toilets are often clean (but very far from always!), however they do always stink, and that is from the lack of a u-bend. If you need the loo, don't go in a crappy café - try a MacDonalds (always clean loos) or the better class of supermarket. However, often you'll find that even in the best places the toilets have no seats. The longest part of this section is about toilets - strange!

The doctors urge to prescribe suppositories - this is no myth! Try inserting a suppository which is meant to cure diahorrea -messy business that!

There is a myth that the French smell - now I don't know about city types, but I would say the myth came about from the fact that a lot of them smell! Some seem to subscribe to the belief that excessive perfume covers the smell. Believe me, it doesn't!

The law of the French builder - never do today what can be put off until, oooh, maybe next week, maybe the week after. Sometime anyway!

Normalement - this is a word with no equal in any other language. It means a variety of things, but most commonly is all things being normal, maybe, unless my dog gets run over by a rabid renault 4, and any excuse will do to get in the way of what I promised to do!

Most of the stereotypes about the French are actually true.

They do wear berets sometimes even coupled with stripy tops (although I have yet to see someone dressed like this on a bike with onions around their neck!)
They do smoke gitanes though probably less now with the smoking ban
They really do say "Oh La La" which makes you laugh the first few times until you get used to it

A lot of the men do carry manbags, although this seems to be reserved to the older men - the younger ones think they're too cool!

An exception to the rule - French Gastronomy! The french are meant to be this wonderful gastronomic nation - fine, if you like steak, duck, or foie gras. And Cassoulet...that's basically baked beans and sausages! Heinz do that! Also, the french don't only eat croissants and pain au chocolat (actually called chocolatines) for breakfast - they also like cornflakes and toast! However, they do dunk their croissants in hot chocolate!

©Catherine Beldon

The french are incredible male chauvinists! If I take my car to the garage and tell the mechanic the problem he won't listen to me. But if my dad takes my car to the garage and tells him the same thing, he'll listen. And what my dad knows about cars could be written on the back of a postage stamp!

They do love their cheese. As Charles De Gaulle said "How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?"

©Catherine Beldon

Everything shuts at lunch time - for two hours at least, sometimes three. Even the police station!

Bureaucracy - anything you do requires several tons of paperwork. And if you have to do it again you can guarantee that the paperwork requirements will be totally different, even within the space of a week! And the person with the office stapler is office king! If you hand in papers stapled together, they will remove your staple, and re-staple it with their own regulation staple!
I think that's as far as I can go today! Come visit France! It's a wonderful place, in spite of all its oddities!

NB. Photographs Not My Own Work - except the one marked as such.