Up In The Air

I'm feeling a bit strange tonight. It's that sort of expectant feeling when you know something you don't like is going to happen - and I hate that. Sort of sinking butterfly-y feeling.

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I shouldn't - I have stuff to look forward to. The problem is that I never believe that something is going to happen until it actually does. I try to be optimistic, but judging from past experiences, even when I think that the glass is half full, it normally turns out to be half empty. And that's not just pessimism, it's just the way things turn out.

Even when I went on holiday to Japan, I didn't allow myself to believe it was actually going to hapen until I was sitting on that plane at Heathrow! I kept thinking that there was going to be something that stopped it happening. And that's how I feel about my trip to Scotland. Not that it's not going to happen, but that it's not going to happen like it might. And I know that's cryptic - there's not much I can do about that. I've learnt my lesson on posting every inner thought, which just means that you only know half of what I'm on about.

I know that by the morning I'll have shaken this off - I'm probably just tired. I've had a few late nights in a row and could probably do with going to bed early. I also have far too much time to think - which is never a good thing!

To quote Lost, whatever happens, happens.