Childhood Days Part 9

When I was probably somewhere around 8 (it wasn’t too long before we left) our septic tank needed emptying.

My mum phoned up the relevant person.

“Hello, my septic tank needs emptying.”

“I am too sorry Madam.”

“Yes, thank you. Can you come and empty it please?”

“I am too sorry Madam, the shit lorry is in the Central Region.”

“You mean there is only one lorry for the whole of Malawi?”

“Yes Madam. And it is in the Central Region.”

“When will it be back in the Southern Region?”

“I do not know Madam, maybe next month.”

“But my septic tank needs to be emptied before next month.”

“We will sort something out Madam.”


A few days later, my mum was sitting on the khonde (veranda) having a drink with her two aunts and my grandma. Suddenly a parade of men walked past. There were about ten men, one with a bucket and one with a pair of long rubber gloves.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“We are going to empty your septic tank Madam,” the chief chappie said.

“With one bucket and a pair of rubber gloves?”

“Yes Madam.”

“What exactly are you going to do with it?” she asked, clearly suspicious.

“We are going to flush each bucketful down the toilet Madam.”

“Go away,” she said quite calmly. “I will wait for the shit lorry.”

Only in Africa!

NB. Photograph not my own work - I don't tend to go around photographing septic tanks!